we have pet lesbian snakes
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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