If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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