she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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