I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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