I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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