considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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