what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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