i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
