He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
