NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
