Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
