We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
