I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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