An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
