A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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