if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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