I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
