There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
