see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
