What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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