You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So much rum. So many feels.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
