i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize