I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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