i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
