theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
