i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
