just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize