driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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