He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
