im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
