I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
