She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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