I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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