so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
