Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
