There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
