remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
