the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
