She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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