I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
