she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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