Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
