i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
