He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
