The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
