ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
