But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
false alarm. still invincible.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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