So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
