i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Randomize