if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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