i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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