How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
