i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize