the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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