nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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