he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
