i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
