your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
