Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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