You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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