It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
