her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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