i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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