i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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