I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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