So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
