I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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