but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize