omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
