so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
