absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
