video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
