Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
