I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
