Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
