College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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