Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
