somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize