brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
