so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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