I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
