I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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