And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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