I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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