some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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